Midnight Blues


This will be the first time I will write about you and expect that this will not be the last.
For some odd reason, I cannot seem to understand why am I feeling this way.
For some odd reason, I felt like a lot has changed, all together at once.

This past three days have been very confusing and too overwhelming for me, because there's something that's bothering my head and maybe my heart too.
My brain was or is still puzzled, causing my thoughts to be in disarray.
My heart is still a mess because of these feelings I shouldn't feel, causing these sudden burst of emotions I can't even contain.

I'm confused. I'm not sure whether to entertain or forget about these feelings.
No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to avoid them.

Those small gestures, exchanged smiles, shared little moments, stolen glances that made my heart feel flustered. When I look at you, my brain goes all awry and I just want to hug you or sit beside you while holding your hand. Those times I watched you sing while playing the guitar and caught in the moment, it seemed like everything came to a halt and that's the time I realized I'm starting to like you. Oh gosh,saying err typing it out loud, that felt good. I tried to shake these thoughts away from my head but seeing you that way, I knew I can no longer hold it in. It was a sudden flash of emotions. I'm starting to like you more than I thought I would and that scares me.

My mind is so enthralled with you and I have all these things I wanted to say to you but I can't find the courage and I'm afraid that you don't feel the same way. I've tried not to catch feelings because I know it's better that way.

2 nights ago, I was upset with you, I don't even know why, you haven't done anything wrong. It's just me. In a split second, I'm not in the mood, I've lost interest in doing anything that night. I tried not to look disappointed or antsy, I guess you didn't noticed.

I spent the whole night thinking, contemplating about these feelings. Took me a little while before I went to sleep. I wanted to text you that time, ask you how your day was, ask if you're okay after the game, I just wanted to talk to you, to know a little more about you.

Sunday morning came and I thought that all this will come to an end. That I was just having a huge cloud of confusion the night before. I thought that after a good night sleep, the feelings will just fade away but I was wrong. I tried very hard to avoid being near you, not to talk to you but all I wanted to do was the opposite of what I'm thinking.

When I heard you sing, it was like music to my ears, I can't help but wonder what it's like to be serenaded by you. I'm not used to this feeling after a long long time, please give me time to think this through. I just want you to know all this so I can let this off my chest, I'm scared of what you'll think. That's why I don't need to know what you feel about this. I'm scared of rejection.

I know that someday I will be brave enough to say all of this to you in person, by the time that I'm very much deserving of you.

  ~ A      

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