I’m sitting on my bed, writing err typing this. With a cuppa joe on my bedside table whilst listening to Eddie (Ed Sheeran) on Spotify, contemplating about life. I dunno why or how Eddie brought back all the feels I thought that was long gone, waaay gone.
After all these years, I don’t understand why do you still have the same effect on me?
A couple of years ago, my fairy tale ended. And I don’t have the slightest idea on how to pick myself back up. I tried indulging myself on various activities that would take away all my thoughts of you but I was wrong, it only made me miss you even more, made me wish that I should be spending all those activities with you.
In the first few weeks, I was devastated. I was heartbroken and it felt like my heart was taken out of my chest and trampled upon until it stopped beating. It was hard for me to do my routine, maybe because most of the things that I used to do includes you, the one thing that I need to get off of my system. I’ll admit, it was hard at first. To try to put yourself together again, to keep your tears from falling every time you remember him, to act fine and well when you’re crumbling down inside. I refused to succumb to all this pain but I’m proud to say that I survived all those things, all those days that I have to endure alone.
I’ve let myself believe that you’ll come back, that you’ll changed your mind. Maybe I was afraid to accept the fact that I was wrong, that I should get back on my usual senses. I was afraid to let other people come into my life because I was afraid that they will just leave me, just like what you did to me.
And now, I want to thank you for making me stronger, for making me who I am today. If it wasn’t for you I won’t strive for greater things. You helped me be the person I am today. I know things happen for a reason and I’m grateful that it happened. It made me drew myself closer to God and believe that He’s the only one who can fix me, the One who will lead me to the RIGHT person. I just have to wait for it, great things take time. And I’m willing to wait for God’s perfect timing, all I have to do is to delight myself in Him, serve Him, praise Him and trust His heart.
Thank you for everything, thank you for all the lessons and the love you’ve given me, even though we did not end up together, you still have a special place in my heart forever.